I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
