they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
