Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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