hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sorry about my life...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
