That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
