Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
