mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
