I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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