When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
