i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We are two peas in an std pod
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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