Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
