I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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