You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
