i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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