her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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