why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
