i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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