I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
