If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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