That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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