Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
