? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
