The best revenge is premature balding
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We need to get me chipped asap
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
