This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
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You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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