good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
