Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
