Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Randomize
