it wasn't lemon gatorade
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
