Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im holly from the hills drunk
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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