opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
