I hate all girls vehemently.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
