hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
