So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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