It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
