end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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