I wish I only lived at night.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
