And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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