Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My pussy is not your playground.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
