Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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