Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
