Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
