You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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