Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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