Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
