New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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