You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
