I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
