Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
