conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
