He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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