How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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