Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
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Your topless pictures make me question reality
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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