whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
