I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
