you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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