your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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