Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
