That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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