did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
