just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
