Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
