I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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