You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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