girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
FUCK WHALES
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
