guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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