You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
