It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
