Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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