she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
