he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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