WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
