Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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