Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
