I want to stick my p in your. b.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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