the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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